After a hard day filled with guilt, tears, shame, and believing all of Satan’s lies I thought about what it means to be a business-owning mom. My terrible day was followed by many prayers, talks with friends, and a good night’s sleep, I woke up this morning filled with God’s grace ready to share. I share personal battles in hopes that it helps just ONE mama, to know she’s not alone.

As long as your baby is nurtured, loved, cared for, fed, and happy- no matter how you’re doing it- YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB, MAMA.

It’s perfectly fine if you don’t love breastfeeding. And it’s perfectly fine if you DO love it. But what I’m sick of seeing are moms being shamed for choosing not to- for whatever reason- whether they can’t or it’s just not best for their family. I felt so much pressure to do it and do it perfectly. And it’s HARD. Beckett had a hard time latching, so I exclusively pumped for the first three months. I had a great supply, and I wanted Beckett to have all the nutrients from breast milk. But you know what? I was miserable. Every couple hours, I felt attached to the pump, even in the middle of the night when Beckett was *finally* sleeping through the night. I was still waking up to pump. I was in pain. And it just wasn’t for me! I respect the mamas who love it and I think it’s wonderful. I always thought I would breastfeed and I would love it.

It wasn’t for me, and that’s OKAY!

Let’s stop judging and shaming mamas for choosing to formula feed. I cried and cried over making the switch because I DID have the supply. If I had it, why would I choose formula? Because I was miserable. When I made the decision to formula feed, I was 100% a better mom. I wasn’t resentful of being attached to the pump and I wasn’t in pain. I wasn’t feeling the pressure anymore. And I just want other mamas to know, as long as your baby is fed and loved and well cared for, that’s all that matters.

This has been a really hard one for me. It’s okay NOT to want to be a stay at home mom. I always thought I would want to stay home with my kids. Until I had a baby, haha. But in all seriousness, this caused me to have a breakdown.

I’m a full-time photographer and business owner.

But, I do work from home the majority of the time. I technically can keep Beckett home with me and work inconsistent hours- during naps, bedtime, etc. But that was not healthy for our family.

Don’t get me wrong- I love him more than anything in this world! But I am a better mama when I have some time away. I enjoy being a business-owning mom! My business gives me time to thrive as an individual. I need quiet time to think, to work, to create, and to be.

Beckett absolutely loves daycare- he’s thriving, he loves the social interaction with his friends, he’s learning an incredible amount of things, and he’s establishing a schedule and consistency. When I pick him up from daycare, I am SO excited to see him and spend the rest of the afternoon and evening with him. It’s good for both of us. A friend told me it’s about the quality of the time we spend with our children, not the quantity. This really helped me. I felt guilty because I feel like there is a stigma- especially when I “can” keep him home. And I know so many mamas that wish more than anything they didn’t have to work and could be a full-time stay at home moms. And I have so much respect for a SAHM- I truly think it’s one of the hardest jobs in the world! Some mamas are made for it, and some aren’t. And after lots of tears, guilt, shame, and prayers, I know we are making the best decision for our family and we are all happier.

Asking for help is okay. It’s okay to have good and bad days, that’s normal. It’s okay to cry.

Motherhood is a whole new journey that you can’t prepare for until you’re actually living it. I just wanted to give you the encouragement that I needed. It’s hard yet the most rewarding thing in the world. So make sure you + your baby are well taken care of and don’t feel shameful for how you do it. And please, give grace to those around you who choose to do it differently than you. We all need grace, love, and support.

Blogs are memories and Beckett’s Hole In One Birthday Birthday Party was such a fun memory!